More than a dog

As I write this post, I keep thinking this isn't real . . .  but sadly my nine month old puppy Finnegan was struck by a car on Monday and passed away in my mother's arms on the way to the vet. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, let alone why, but what I do know is that I'm crushed.

I brought Finn into my life two weeks after my father passed. I had wanted a dog of my own for years and it seemed like the right time to help take my mind off of such a devastating loss. And what a character Finn was. I won't lie, the first few months were tough, as we navigated through the puppy stages. But as Finn grew, he became such a wonderful dog and it just doesn't seem fair how tragically he was taken from us.

I look at pictures I've taken over the past few months of Finn (and trust me there were a lot) and I just cannot believe he is no longer here. It feels like I've been punched in my stomach. He had a unique personality, a very talkative, funny dog. He loved to sleep like a person in bed and wake you up with his big eyes, sweet kisses and quiet whines. He was becoming quite the runner too, finally taking to the leash really well. He was my dog...attached at the hip...and I loved him. I couldn't take him anywhere without someone saying he was the "most beautiful dog I've ever seen." I could see the future ahead of us....Finn coming for rides with me in my car, lots of runs at the park, growing old and becoming calm and quiet...I guess it just wasn't mean to be.

I know people keep telling me, "he's with your dad now," and while I guess
that's supposed to comfort me, sadly it doesn't. The whole point of having Finn was so he'd be with me, since my Dad no longer was. I feel cheated really . . . no dog deserves what happened to Finn, let alone one so young.

I have experienced a massive amount of loss this year. I'm baffled how I even have tears left to cry. In the end I guess I'm just glad I had Finn for the time I did...he was a bright spot in an otherwise dark year.

Rest well my sweet, sweet Finny boy.

Puppy Lessons

So it's June. Not really sure where this year has gone...hard to believe it's half over and what a half year it has been. Believe it or not, I'm already ready for 2014.

But with that said, one of the joys in my life, Finn, is growing like a weed! And boy what an education this little pup has given me. Let me share with you the lessons I've learned in just the past two and a half months Finn has graced me with his ever excited presence.

1. I am in no way ready to have children . . . like seriously - The first few weeks after bringing Finn home, I felt like a new parent. I was sleep deprived, getting up every couple of hours to let Finn out. I was cranky, stressed, wondering what was I thinking? I dealt with accidents, both small and large, chewed up shoes and other items, crying at night, the whole gambit. It was hard...it still is, although it's getting easier. He even whines! He makes the most childish noises, it's hilarious, but also incredibly frustrating! So while I do hope to have my own blessed little bundles of joy . . .one day . . . that day is no where near close!

2. Puppies = Friends - Let's be honest, Finn is the cutest dog ever. People yards away notice him and come running. If I had a penny for every time someone told me he was the "cutest dog I've ever seen." I'd be a million aware twice over. And as such, he's helped me to get to know my neighbors better. In fact, I think my neighbors know Finn better than they know me. The minute we walk out the door, I hear people shouting his name. He's a full blown celebrity.

3. No household item is safe - Although the chewing has subsided substantially, all items, small and large, were prey for Finn. Especially flip flops, underwear, bras, socks, sunglasses, the works. Even when I think I've put everything safely out of reach, Finn manages to sniff it out. Thank goodness he's growing out of this stage.

4. I need a bigger bed - I left Finn with my mother while I was on a work trip. When I came back, he was no longer a "sleep in your crate dog." Instead, she turned him into a "I must sleep in your bed dog." Let's just say I wasn't thrilled. Especially since Finn is a mover. He readjusts positions at least thirty times at night...we're trying to carve out one spot for him to stick too...it's working, slowly. But with that said, my mother has a queen bed, so it's much roomier than my little full. Needless to say, I'll be upgrading shortly.

5. When dogs disappear, they're usually up to no good - In fact, they're probably pooping, or chewing your underwear or bra, eating your computer cord. . . Moral of this little story, puppies are not trustworthy!

I can't say I've kept my cool through all of this. There have been moments where I've said to myself, "What the hell were you thinking?" But mostly, I really love this little guy. Especially when he gives you that look . . . you know the look. That's all I need to reaffirm why I brought this little man into my life afterall.